Let's be frank

At the startup I used to work for, one of the company's principles was the so-called "no bullshit policy". It was meant in general terms: if something was not useful, you just left it behind, challenging the classic "but we have always done it this way."

The same logic was also implemented at the relationship level, where feedback was hard and without sugar-coating. Do and say directly the things that you deem important, without overthinking if/how to say them.

The positive side is that you eliminate a lot of actual bullshit, like spending an hour phrasing an email to say 'no' without actually using the word 'no'. At the same time, sometimes the "how" was also important, and a bit of a mindful human touch was needed.

A lot of problems can be avoided just by being upfront and direct. It is hard in the short term, but beneficial in the long run, and I am applying it to friendships too. I first saw this way of relating to people while working in the Netherlands, where the Dutch are known for their directness, and I appreciated it more than I expected to.

So, a good rule of thumb I found is this: is there something important to me that the other person doesn't know? If the answer is yes, I say it, even if it makes me uncomfortable in the moment. Usually, it is appreciated, and you may end up discovering something that was evident to the other person all along, or you might have been the only one able to see the elephant in the room.

While deepening my knowledge of this topic, I came across the Principle of Charity. It is a philosophical and rhetorical guide that suggests interpreting a speaker's statements in the most rational way possible and, in the case of any argument, considering its best, strongest possible interpretation. When listening to direct words, it is definitely better to keep that in mind.